Coping with the loss of a child

A parent’s greatest sorrow is the death of a child.

An unknown author wrote:

Those we love don’t go away,

They walk beside us every day,

Unseen, unheard but always near,

Still loved, still missed, and forever dear.

The news of the death of any child leaves anyone in shock. Parents are devastated when this happens. The anguish of parents whose children die before them is beyond description.

When you lose a child, you lose a part of you. You suddenly find a vacuum and an emptiness in which you previously cared, loved and nurtured your child. As a parent, you realise that nothing can replace the routine that you so lovingly undertook for so many years.

For parents, who have lost their children, the following are some suggestions for grieving:

• Talk about your loss as much as you wish using his or her name.
• Remember crying is normal and is a way of releasing emotions. People will understand.
• There is no set pattern of grieving. Each parent will grieve in their own way. It’s okay to grieve in your own unique way.
• Prepare for special days such as birthdays. Do something to commemorate the day, give to a children’s home, spend time with children with disabilities, start a flower garden.
• Join or start a support group where parents can share their experiences and support each other.
• Understand that grief may trigger other feelings such as anger, guilt, regret, and envy. Try to manage these emotions as best as you can as they will hurt you and others.
• Support yourself emotionally, mentally and physically.
• When grieving, focus on the happy memories shared and the unique opportunity to have been chosen by God to be the parent of that special child.

The words of the song, Jealous of the Angels, by Donna Taggart reflect the emotions of a parent, who lost a child.

I didn’t know today would be our last

Or that I’d have to say goodbye to you so fast

I’m so numb, I can’t feel anymore

Prayin’ that you’d walk back through that door.

In a world where heroes come and go

Well God just took the only one I know

So, I’ll hold you as close as I can

Longing for the day, when I see your face again.