Do you feel unhappy with your relationship, job or health? We often feel that we’re stuck in a bad relationship and we don’t have any options.
There are more people in jobs, who are unhappy either with the work they do or with their boss and colleagues than people, who are genuinely happy.
Very often I hear people, who are overweight, complain about how frustrated they are about their weight, try various short term options and then revert to complaining that they tried everything but nothing works. Well, in any area of your life, if you’re unhappy, you have three options.
The first option is that you change what is, take responsibility by learning, growing and showing up at your best. The second option is to leave. Option three is to accept the circumstances as they are and stop complaining.
Let’s start with relationships. Your partner is driving you up the wall. You complain to your friends. He’s treating you like you don’t actually matter. She’s constantly demanding. You are having frequent arguments. You’re frustrated, angry and even end up crying profusely.
How is complaining helping you make the relationship better? Constantly complaining to everyone who will give you some attention, is merely venting and not solution focused.
By talking about how bad things are, you’re simply creating more of the same. Can you perhaps learn how to change your communication style? Can you be brave enough to have the deeper, more meaningful conversations; where you tell your partner how his/ her behaviour makes you feel and then actually listen to their perspective? Can you learn conflict resolution skills? Can you ask for help if you don’t know how to resolve your differences?
If you feel you cannot change it, now you have to decide if you can accept it? If absolutely nothing changed; can you accept your circumstances as they are?
Remember, if you accept it, you have to stop complaining. Can you then find other ways to feel more fulfilled about life? Is there a hobby you’ve always wanted to start? Is there a cause you want to support? Can you be the best friend possible or the best employee possible? What will give you a sense of satisfaction and inner happiness?
If it’s impossible to fix and also impossible to accept, then the last option is to leave. Sometimes, especially when there’s abuse, the lesson you’re being offered is to find your inner strength, know that you deserve to be loved and treated with respect and find the courage to leave.
You will most likely need to get the help of family, friends or even professional help. Most importantly is to ensure your safety first. If it’s not an abusive relationship and this is your choice, you still need to find your support structure as ending a relationship is quite difficult, both emotionally and financially.
If you’re unhappy in your job, can you apply the same three options? Personally, I find upskilling to resolve the problem to be the first option, as we are all here to learn and grow as human beings.
Improve the person, improve the results. Are you being challenged to fulfill your potential or are you being provoked into setting your boundaries about what is acceptable and what is unacceptable to you? Could it be time to explore bigger and better options?
When we have a physical ailment, the three options can also be applied. Every physical illness has an emotional cause that most of us are completely unaware of. Instead of complaining and giving all of your power away to someone else to heal you, can you make the choice to work with your doctor (if you choose to go that route).
Can you take the time to heal your thoughts and your emotions? When we shift our internal energy, it impacts the physical body as well. Long held resentment may manifest as cancer.
Are you willing to forgive everyone that’s ever hurt you? It doesn’t make their actions right, but it frees you of stuck, negative energy. An emotionally closed heart, may result in a heart condition. Are you willing to open your heart to love and feelings of gratitude?
If you don’t believe that stuck, unresolved emotions can cause a physical ailment; can you accept the condition and make the decision to stop complaining?
In this case, the third option of leaving would translate to doing nothing.
Our happiness is solely in our hands. We are here to grow into our potential and people and circumstances will appear in your life to challenge you to do just that.
The easier way is to make the commitment to yourself to constantly challenge yourself to be the best version of yourself that you can be, in every area of your life. The difficult way is when other people need to help you awaken to that potential. Again, how you learn and grow, is a choice.
Kas Naidoo is a life coach, relationship coach, speaker and matchmaker. She can be contacted via [email protected]
