Alone for the holidays
Your least favourite aunt is definitely going to ask you yet again, in her high-pitched voice, for all the family to hear, “When are you getting married? Career is not everything. You have to find a nice boy.”
It’s holiday time and you’re alone. You are dreading the year-end social at work and the family lunches.
Your least favourite aunt is definitely going to ask you yet again, in her high-pitched voice, for all the family to hear, “When are you getting married? Career is not everything. You have to find a nice boy.”
Being alone for the holidays is challenging; but it doesn’t have to be depressing.
Be prepared for the questions and comments from family. When you have a ready answer, you will feel more confident and in control.
Be straight forward, without becoming defensive. Tell them that while it’s tough being alone, you’d rather find the right partner than settling for just anyone, simply to be in a relationship.
Up your game! Take time to self-reflect. Take a good look at your life. Who are you deep inside? What do you bring to the world?
Where are you playing small and what steps can you take to become your best self? What bold career moves would you like to take in the next year?
How can you take better care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually? This kind of reflection is easier done when you’re alone, so use this time to introspect, set goals and make decisions about the direction you want to take your life.
It’s a wonderful time to reconnect to your vision both personally and professionally.
Get happy NOW! No one wants to meet a person who is sad and depressed and complaining about life. When you focus on becoming the best version of yourself, you become confident, fun, enthusiastic about life and very attractive to a new partner.
Do the things you love to do and you will meet new people who love doing the same things. Look at happy couples and know that if it’s possible for them it’s possible for you too.
Pamper yourself. Self-care increases self-love. Be kind to yourself, eat healthy, nutritious food, exercise regularly as this releases endorphins, which is a “feel good” hormone. Watch the movies you love. Be the host and invite some friends over.
Have a little dessert. Get a massage. Explore your city like a tourist would. Look up and smile at strangers in a shopping mall. Become the person that others find easy to approach. Start conversations with people standing in a queue with you.
If you’ve been in a long-term relationship and find yourself alone now, learn to become comfortable with yourself.
After I got divorced, I started a new tradition called “Date night with a Special Person.” It might sound crazy to some, but that special person was ME. The first time I had a meal alone in a restaurant, was quite uncomfortable.
Then I decided to put my phone away and look around and take in the room and the people. I became present and enjoyed the food and the atmosphere.
I also went to the movies alone on my date night. Surprisingly, I loved it. I didn’t have to share my popcorn! After a while, I would actually be excited and look forward to these dates.
Now it’s easy to engage in activities alone and value who I am instead of just who I’m with.
My first New Year alone was a celebration of freedom. I picked out my favourite music and danced with wild abandon with my dog looking at me with his head cocked to one side. Music and dance are great gifts to yourself and once again gets the happy hormones flowing.
Do some volunteer work.
Whether it’s at a children’s home, animal shelter or a charity drive, giving-back gives you perspective. It makes you feel intensely grateful for the life you have and that you can actually make a difference.
Becoming grateful for what you already have, shifts your energy some what’s missing to what you can be thankful for.
Being alone for the holidays, doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. Whether it’s a work social or a family event, be the person who brings the good time, instead of waiting for someone else to provide it.
Take the risk to compliment people you find attractive without expecting an outcome. Say YES to invitations. Fight the need to isolate yourself.
This is an easy option, but not one that will get you through the holidays feeling more connected to your community.
You attract people when you live your best life. When you can focus on all the good in your life and in the world around you, you raise your energy and that makes you very appealing.
So, put on that party dress and step out with a spring in your step.
Kas Naidoo is a relationship coach and matchmaker. She can be contacted via [email protected]
